"TELL ME A STORY" CONTEST WINNERS

I'm happy to announce the winners of the essay contest. Chad Parker, Wade McVey and Vicki Swindell. I would also like to add Judith Merrill and Justin Teal as honorable mentions.  It was very difficult to choose the winners, as all of the stories were interesting and creative. Some were elaborate story lines with complex problems and crazy characters. Some were drug induced and psychedelic and all of them were funny and creative. Thank ya’ll so much for your time and energy it took to complete this writing assignment. The emails were printed and I made a little home-made book that lives in my bathroom. Thanks again. Keller

Click READ MORE below to check all all the winning stories.

Keller’s Sleeping Over? By Chad Parker

I always wanted a live band to play at my birthday party, and tonight, my wish is coming true.  I don’t know who it is, but my wife says that I won’t believe it when I see it.  “Yeah, whatever.” I keep saying to her like I don’t care about it. But it’s driving me nuts.  She knows I wouldn’t be overly excited for any of the local bands she could have gotten, and I know that a lot of people pitched in on the band instead of buying presents so she may have raised a good bit of money. So, who could it be?  I keep thinking it might be JGB Band because I once heard they played a private party for something like ten grand.  They couldn’t have spent that much, could they? I checked their JGB’s tour schedule and found that they are on the west coast right now. Can’t be them.  I had a dream the other night that it was Ratdog.  There is no way they could afford Ratdog. No way.  Bob Weir at my home? Not a chance.  Well, I will be finding out soon enough.

It’s a about an hour until the party starts, I’m inside getting ready. As I look out through the big window in the kitchen, I can see the stage they set up on the other side of the back yard.  The grass was just  cut, the sun was shining bright, what a great day this will be.  “Wow!” I said to no one when I came outside.  All this for me I thought, wow.  It was odd not handling any of the arrangements, I’m usually the one organizing our parties.  

The catering people had just arrived and were setting up their tables, nothing fancy, just the ordinary summertime barbeque.  My dog Rex was laying right in their way, I began to laugh when I saw him there, he almost seemed like he knew he was in the way, but he wanted to let all these strangers know that this was his house and they were not wanted.  He’s 12 now, and pretty much set in his ways, so we all just let him do his thing, never causing any trouble.

Some of my friends were already starting to arrive, so I grabbed an ice cold beer and went over to great them at the driveway and make sure they knew to loop around the house and park in the field next to where the party was set up. 

Then, the tour bus pulled up.  I couldn’t believe it, this was no van, or even like a big box truck.  It was a straight tour bus. I have to say I was nervous, I was turning 30 but I felt like a little kid with butterflies in my stomach and I found that I had to remind myself to breathe again.  But what a sight it is to have a real life tour bus pulling up to your place.  A couple a guys came off the bus and my wife ran over to talk to them.  Another guy came off carrying some equipment, and then, carrying a guitar case, was Keller Williams! “NO WAY!” I yelled.  I ran over to greet him, but stopped by the cooler to grab us each a nice cold one.  When I got over to him, there was already a bunch of people standing around him trying to talk and shake hands and what not. But since I was already on my 3rd beer and had a nice buzz going, I broke through the small crowd, pushed the beer in his hand and gave him a huge hug.  A little forward, I know, but Keller didn’t seem to mind.  He set down his guitar so he could crack open the beer and I was starting to tell him about how big of a fan I am and how many times I have seen him and how big of an honor it is for him to be here, but he cut me short and started to laugh, saying how my wife had already filled him in on my credentials as a fan previously on the phone.  “I don’t play at just anyone’s house ya know” he said. Everyone chuckled and grabbed some of his gear to carry over to the stage. 

What a sight! Keller Williams playing at my birthday party!  I grabbed my Iphone out of my pocket and went to the Keller app. Clicked tour dates.  There it was, “Aug. 11 PRIVATE PARTY”. Wow! Unbelievable! 

The stage was set up.  Everyone was here, probable about 70 people or so.  Beer in everyone’s hand.  Good food, good beer, good friends, and Keller Williams about to start playing.  I gave my wife a big hug and thanked her for this terrific gift. I said “I can’t believe you got Keller Williams, he must have cost a fortune, how did you do it?” She said that it was mostly expenses she had to pay, transportation, food, etc. “Plus, we have to put him up for the night.” She explained. “What do you mean put him up for the night?  He doesn’t stay on the bus?” I asked. “No, he said he never sleeps on the bus, it’s too small and he’s claustrophobic.” “I can’t believe he’s going to stay at a motel around here, I hope you got him something closer to Pittsburgh, maybe the Hilton at least.” “Actually, he said he won’t stay at a hotel either, he’s afraid of germs” she looked at me kinda weird. “So, he’s staying at our house?” That’s a little weird, I thought to myself, but didn’t say out loud. Instead, I did think out loud “How does he tour?” “I asked him the same thing and he said he only plays in cities that he has friends in so he can stay at their house” “OK” I said, still thinking that this was a little strange.

The night went off without a hitch.  Keller played two awesome sets, including all my favorite songs, I can only assume my wife let him know.  In between sets, everyone reloaded with beer, or weed if that was their thing, then met back in front of the stage and sang happy birthday to me.  Seeing Keller sing happy birthday to me in my backyard, doing a little dance across the stage was surreal.  He went right into Rapper’s Delight and I was so excited I spun around to check out the whole crowd and to make sure everyone was listening, as if they couldn’t hear it or something.  He played a great second set and when he was finished we put on Sirius Radio’s Jam On station while we partied for the rest of the night.

Keller ate and drank and mingled with everyone. He even hit a big joint that was being passed around.  I thought it was so cool how relaxed he was with us.  It was almost as if he was one of our buddies, just here for the party.  Of course we all laughed when Gate Crashers Suck came on the radio. Everyone, even Keller, joined in for the big “FUCK YOU” chorus, we were all practically screaming it while laughing hysterically.

Around three a.m., most everyone had cleared out besides the ones that were staying the night.  My wife had made up the spare bedroom for Keller, but he said he was fine on the couch in front of the T.V.  I said good night and told him to help himself to anything in the fridge. 

Morning comes all too soon, Rex wakes me up to make him breakfast.  I get up and am heading to the bathroom, when I suddenly remember, Keller Williams slept over last night, I kind of chuckled to myself when I thought of this.  I went into the living room, and there he was, wide awake, watching Howard TV.  For some reason, the first thing that came to my mind, I don’t have Howard TV.  Did he order pay per view?  He didn’t even acknowledge me in the room, his eyes were glued to the TV.  I said, “Have you been up all night?” “Yeah” he said, “I love Howard Stern, but we don’t get it where I live” OK, fine, I’m not going to make a big deal about it, it’s Keller Williams, so what if he’s been ordering pay per views all night without even asking if it was alright.  How much could he have spent? Who cares, like I said, it’s Keller Williams, right? 

I announced to all the sleepy people in the house that I was making breakfast.  I went into the kitchen which was right in the next room, but when I opened up the fridge, it was practically empty! Not wanting to accuse anyone, but it looked like someone who left late last night, stole all the food out of my fridge.  They even took all the breakfast food I had bought for this morning.  I went back into the living room and said “Well, the foods all gone, who could have taken it?” “Oh, sorry about that” Keller explained, “I got the munchies.” “The munchies?” “You ate all the leftovers from the party?” “and enough eggs and bacon to feed ten people” I was a little shocked. “Yeah, hope you don’t mind” he said calmly, “You said help yourself to anything in the fridge” “That I did Keller, that I did” I said softly as I walked back to the bedroom.

As I was explaining to my wife what had just happened, we were both laughing about the whole thing, when I glanced out the window and noticed something was missing.  I ran back into the living room and said to Keller, “Your bus is gone! I think your crew left you!” “No, no, no, they’ll be back to pick me up on Thursday, we have a gig in Lancaster, it’s no problem” he replied very casually.  “Thursday?  Your staying until Thursday?” I asked. “Yeah, it’s cool.” he said. It’s cool, I thought to myself, I couldn’t tell if he was asking if it was cool, or he was telling me it was cool. 

Well, I would love to tell you about the exciting time I had having Keller Williams living with me for five days, but, there’s nothing to tell.  He laid on the couch at all times racking up the pay per view bills all night and snoozing all day.  The only time he got up was to venture into the kitchen to raid the fridge or answer the door for the pizza he ordered, which, by the way, he had no money with him, he said he accidently left his wallet on the bus.  “I’ll get ya later” became his famous phrase.  He made himself right at home like he was my free loading unemployed cousin visiting.  But, I have to say, he actually did end up getting me later. I now get free tickets to any of his shows,  I have his cell number if I want to get a hold.  He always pops in to visit our couch and fridge when he’s in Pittsburgh.  Is this a good thing or bad thing?  I would have to say it turned out to be a good thing, but, one thing is for sure, Keller Williams turned out to be a real freek!


A Series of Near Misses With the Loop Guru by Wade McVey
Im a fellow one man band
Who works the east coast out of his mini-van
I was too young to see The Grateful Dead with Jerry
I did catch 4 of the reunion shows which counts, but barely

In '98 Im in college livin up those Greenville nights
So its Odd that I missed the Freek on Tuesdays at Pheasants for mug nite
After a couple of years of smoking Grass and being Spun
I dropped out of college to play music and discover my inner beach bum

The island life seems to fit my roots
When I Breathe the salt air, it gives me a Buzz I wish I could Loop

I was in Atlantic Beach when Keller played a Ziiggy's show
I should of been there 
I should of known
Because you we're opening up for my friend Mike Corrado 

Finally around 2003
I first heard of Keller Williams
While watching a video
By Incident of String Cheese

I kept jumping in and out of bands
When I first saw Keller Live at the Mars theater in Wilmington
And that night for an encore, he did Redemption Song
But he made the audience sing

I dropped out of the band
And acquired my own Loop island hopping Dream

I got the Stage album on my second trip to the keys
But it accidentally became a chew toy for a dog
While crashing for a week 
At brandon and amy's

The multitudes did Dance
At the anniversary show for the Home Grown Music folks
I got the Sight DVD there
But when I got Home, I found out it was broke

Fortunately
A friend of a friend 
put me in touch 
With a merch guy name Cam

He mailed me a new one
And I watched it from beginning to end
I got a good Laugh at the credits
When I watched them on slow motion

In 2009
I went to Key West for the 20th time

I got in town late almost missing my show at 7
I was playing on Petronia street
at a place called Blue Heaven

Then I hung out with this tourist girl 
Who had seen me play on her vacation
For the last 3 years or so

Not realizing that Keller was a block down the street
Hanging out at the Green Parrot 
With Eato

After 12 years of playing music full time
I probably wont get famous or rich
But if I ever got to jam with Buffett, The Allmans, Keller or The Dead
I think I'll be content

Finding out the hard way
That record companies and booking agents
Don't like single acts

But it gives me faith to know
That Keller somehow pushed thru all that crap

I hope you enjoyed the story
Tragic, but certainly funny in its own way
I hope it makes you Laugh
Sincerely Barefoot Wade



One Night with Keller by Vicki Swindell
Let me tell ya about a time I’ll never forget.
I was walkin’ hand in hand with this guy I just met.
I was out of town, far away from home,
Been on the road for awhile; gypsy on the roam.
I met this guy at a show sometime, someplace,
Never saw him again but can’t forget that face.
His name was Rex and he was fine,
For this night, this Rex was mine!
He had nice eyes, and MOM tattooed on his arm,
I could tell right off that he meant me no harm.
He said “Hey hon, let’s go have some fun.”
“Let’s get outta here, let’s go get spun.” 
“Go get spun?” I said  “What do you mean?”
I had no idea, all I ever did was green.
He said “Don’t worry babe, just stick with me.”
“We’re gonna have fun, you just wait and see.”
Just as the first band was beginning to play,
He took me by the hand and led me away.
We walked up a hill and we sat on the grass.
I thought for sure he was gonna make a pass.
But he just reached in his pocket and this is what he said,
“Stick out your tongue and tilt back your head”
Don’t know why, but I did exactly as I was told,
Didn’t know what he was sellin’, but I was sold!
I then said to him, “Hey, look, I like a good buzz,
“But do we have to worry?  What about the fuzz?”
He said not to worry, that they were not here.
We were surrounded by good people, we had nothing to fear.
He told me to just breathe and relax; that we were gonna have a blast.
Told me to be positive, think happy thoughts, and don’t fret the past.
We sat on that hill, looked, listened, and felt the night.
I felt somewhat odd, but at the same time just right.
Everything was crystal clear but also like a dream.
I felt as I was gonna laugh and cry, whisper and scream.
It was a little intense, all these emotions at the same time.
Little was making sense, had no rhythm or rhyme.
I knew I was alright but I almost started to freek,
Then through the night sky someone started to speak.
This voice was beautiful, kind, safe, and true,
It spoke to me in ways that no one else knew.
Then the voice spoke again, and again, on some crazy loop,
Right then I knew I had to know more, I had to get the scoop.
I looked up at Rex to ask who that was on stage,
But he was out of it, he was on a whole other page.
I guessed it had to be about 12 o’clock,
Didn’t know much else except that I was ready to rock!
I followed that voice through the dark night,
It was so cool and funky, man this dude’s outta sight!
He sang about life, love and the power of dance,
And I knew that I loved him without even a first glance.
I knew this was going to be one of the best live shows of all time,
They say a penny for your thoughts, I say his are worth a dime!
It was Keller Williams that sang to me that night.
It was his voice through the clouds that made everything alright.
And then. . .
I danced up to that stage, spun around and around,
I let out a laugh as my feet hit the ground.
I got to feel the grass in between my toes,
Got to breathe in the night air through my nose.
I twirled and whirled with some girl’s hula hoop,
I ran, and jumped, and danced a loop da loop.
I danced this dance with all my might, 
To see this one-man-band live; what a sight!
I felt so at home, so alive, it was better than I could ever dream,
Everyone else thought so too, at least that’s how they made it seem.
I didn’t feel so odd, this buzz wasn’t bad at all,
I felt bullet proof and ten feet tall.
And when I looked around what did I see?
At least 12 hundred other freeks just like me!
I had no idea what was going to happen next,
But one thing was for certain, I sure was glad I met Rex!
From that night on, I have been a life long fan,If your askin’ I’ll tell ya…Keller Williams is THE man.